NHM Reader’s Experience: Rectocele Surgery & Recovery

Thank you very much to today’s NHM Reader who is sharing some of her experience, especially with such a private subject. I really hope this post helps at least one Mum get the support that she needs.

Rectocele Surgery & Recovery

‘Some things are best kept private’ was something I truly believed. Until I faced major surgery, in an intimate area following seemingly a nice quick birth without complications some years ago.

When looking for stories about what it’s actually like to recover from pelvic floor surgery the web is polluted with tale of mesh, slings, multiple surgeries and failure.

Here’s my story, still ongoing, just one surgery, which involved lots of stitches and ‘designer vagina’ jokes but, how my life is changing as a result of this procedure.

This could have been kept private but given how it’s hard to talk about your lady bits openly, I decided to share my journey.

https://nakedtruthabout.blogspot.com/?fbclid=IwAR0aOl2IkMZsdWMIeb2Odl18PSqbXmDFSmZrbGbw4r26c0WtmoN6OduA14A

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Hampshire Doulas

What is a doula and why would you want one on your birth or postnatal team?

If you heard of something you could take into labour with you that would make you

  • More likely to give birth vaginally with neither ventouse nor forceps nor caesarean
  • Less likely to use pain medications or to have a caesarean birth
  • More likely to be satisfied with your experience
  • More likely to have a shorter labour
  • Less likely to have postpartum depression
  • Your baby could be less likely to have low five-minute Apgar scores (the score used when babies’ health and well-being are assessed at birth and shortly afterwards).

Would you want to give it a try?

According to reviews of research the type of support doulas supply has been shown to do all these things.

You’re probably wondering what exactly do doulas do that can have all these potential benefits? I asked a couple of your local doulas what they bring to your birth team.

Alex and Desiree both work in North Hampshire. As they talk about becoming doulas and what they love about being doulas I hope you will see that the benefits are so wide ranging even for times when that “more likely to” in the research doesn’t turn out to be definitely will. Perhaps we should add to the list, in our experience having a doula on your team will make you more likely to realise how amazing and wonderful you truly are.

Alex with clients

Desiree

How did you hear about doulas or first start thinking it might be for you?

Alex: Unknowingly, I have doulaed for many years. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” sits very closely to me as this is how I started my Doula journey. Then a woman in my village, who I offered support to, asked me if I knew of any doulas in our area. The seed was planted as I supported her and decided to start my Doula journey officially.

Within 2 weeks of deciding to go for it I signed up for my Doula training course and within less than a year I became too busy to continue my long standing medical career. And I love what I do!

Desiree: I heard about Doula’s through my sister as she chose to have a Doula support them through their birth. I was very naive and found it odd and rather ‘hippy’. My sister had the most amazing support from her doula.

Then when was pregnant and began planning my birth I knew I wanted a Doula present and having had a long labour my doula was consistent throughout. It really sealed my desire to be able to offer that same continuity of care, calming presence and support that I received to other women and their partners.

What’s your favourite thing about being a Doula?

Desiree: It’s such a privilege for me to share such an intimate, life changing experience with a woman. Seeing her grow, her strength and her ability to birth regardless of what kind of birth – I truly value that. I love seeing women flourish as they step into motherhood, whether it’s the first time or third time.

Alex: The variety of women and couples I meet and being part of their pregnancy, birth and beyond. I feel extremely privileged being a doula. Seeing women making their own informed choices whatever situation they find themselves in. And then seeing women feeling empowered and those lush newborn baby cuddles at my first postnatal meeting.

What are your top tips for planning a positive birth?

Alex: Gather information, know about your choices, trust your body and your instincts. Never take “no” for an answer unless all resources and options explored. Hire a Doula!

Desiree: Birth is a wonderful journey that can sometimes be smooth and straightforward or it may be windy and long. Birth can be like a picnic – you may have 4 seasons in one day.  As much as we can plan, there are unforeseen events that can happen. Whilst it’s great to have a plan, it’s important to know what your options are and know that you have choices. Having a birth plan in place can help. Being prepared for all eventualities puts you in a far stronger position afterwards to feel you retained some choice and control in what happened. Understanding our hormones and our environment plays a huge part in how our bodies relax and function during the birthing process.

Do you have any top tips for new parents?

Desiree: Listen to yourself. Family and friends have the best intentions when they feel they need to ‘offer’ their advice, however there is so much conflicting advice it becomes an information overload. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. Everything your baby needs you already have.

Alex: Restrict visitors, take your time, enjoy getting to know each other, accept help (meals, house chores, childcare for older siblings). Be aware of the 4th trimester. Be gentle on yourself and never compare yourself with other new mums! Sleep when your baby sleeps during the day, even if it’s a cat nap here and there. Get support from a postnatal Doula and don’t feel afraid to ask for help!

Now you’ve had the chance to get to know a couple of our local doulas a little bit. If you decide to include a doula as part of your birth team you will get to know her really well in the antenatal sessions you have together. More importantly, she will get to know you and how she can support you and the rest of your birth team the best way for you. If you’ve got more questions you might like to check out our frequently asked questions page http://www.hampshiredoulas.co.uk/frequently-asked-questions/ and always feel free to get in touch and ask more questions if you don’t find yours is answered there.

hampshiredoulas.co.uk hampshiredoulas@gmail.com facebook.com/hampshiredoulas

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Review 2018: HAIRaffair Basingstoke

I recently received a message on facebook from Aideen, asking me if I would like to have my hair done in exchange for a review on NorthHantsMum.

I jumped at the chance! 😀

(There is a special offer for NHM Readers at the bottom of this post :-D)

HAIRaffair Basingstoke

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not a “girly girl” but I do take an interest in how I look. I haven’t had my hair cut in a salon in over 10 years as I have always found hairdressers to be very intimidating places, especially as I’m not into fashion.

It turned out that at a recent fundraising raffle I had won a voucher to get my hair cut but hadn’t realised it that it was with Aideen. I actually gave the voucher to a friend who needed pampering more than me, so when Aideen got in contact it clicked that I’d given away my voucher!!!! lol.

I explained to Aideen that I wasn’t really a girly girl and she was absolutely lovely about it. I did know that I wanted my hair to be coloured but I didn’t want her to be anymore out of pocket, especially as she’d been so generous with her raffle donation.

I explained that I just wanted a trim and colour and we agreed that I would cover the cost of the colouring and she would cut my hair in exchange for this review.

About

Aideen decided on her career path when she was traveling around Australia for a year after studying at college and university. She’s always loved playing with hair but at the time she thought that she would end up in a different career. Then she saw that lots of fellow travellers cutting hair and making money flexibly and it confirmed her career decision.

Once back from Australia she worked and trained at Arc in Basingstoke town centre and then progressed to a salon in Odiham where she was assistant manager and senior stylist. Then a couple of years ago, after her son was born, she decided to convert a room in her house to her salon and she hasn’t looked back!

We had a chat when I arrived and Aideen chose the best colour for me based on what I’d told her.

Aideen then applied the foils to my hair whilst we continued chatting.

Once the foils came out, Aideen washing my hair in her fancy hair sink and gave me a lovely mini head massage.

Then Aideen cut my hair and layered it a bit. I didn’t realise how long my hair was as she cut off about 4 inches and it was still really long! lol.

We basically didn’t stop talking for the whole two hours!!! It was really lovely to chat to her and she’s a great listener.

She did a fantastic job with my hair and blow dried it straight as my hair normally has a bit of a kink about it.

I came out of Aideen’s salon literally bouncing. There is literally nothing like having 1.5 hours of being pampered and coming out with a fab new hair colour and hairstyle!

My FAB new hair!!!

When I got home Mr NHM said “something’s different…” which is high praise in our household! lol.

Miss NHM kept telling me how beautiful I looked. She’s not used to me having my hair down.

I felt amazing for the rest of the weekend with my fab new hair!

Tips

Aideen normally works only on Saturdays but if you are desperate, she can fit you in at other times.

Facilities

Aideen’s studio is attached to her house but it’s fab because you literally have it ALL TO YOURSELF!!! She only has one to two people at a time so you have her full concentration.

Baby Facilities

Babies are very welcome at Aideen’s studio.

The perk of Aideen only having one client at a time means that you can take your baby along as there is room for a baby car seat.

If you let her know in advance that you are taking a baby with you, she said she will allow extra time in case you need to focus on your baby at any point. How fab is that!

Aideen is very understanding as she has two small children of her own.

Parking

Is free and on the drive and streets near Aideen’s house.

Prices

Prices are what you would expect for an independent hairstylist with her own studio.

For example, a cut, style and finish is £35.

Rating out of 5

Aideen did SUCH an AWESOME job! I absolutely love it!!! My hair looked amazing.

I will easily give her 5 out of 5 because she made me feel so welcome and really looked after me.

I love the colour and the cut was a really good cut. It was such a luxury to have my hair washed AND dried.

If you need a new haircut and are looking for some pampering at the same time, I highly recommend visiting Aideen’s salon!

Aideen can be reach on 07808316933 for any bookings. She also has a facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/HAIRaffairbasingstoke/

Aideen is also very kindly offering NHM Readers a first time discount £5 off cut and £15 off colour and cut booked together.

Thank you Aideen!!!!!!

Disclaimer: This post is a review of HairAffair Hairdressing. My experience was supplied free of charge for the purposes of the review. I was not expected to write a positive review and any opinions expressed are my own.

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Mumsmissingmums

Mumsmissingmums is a new, support network for those mums who are raising their children without the support of their own mums.

A closed group of women who would like a safe place to chat, share stories and get to know others in the same position with meeting up too if people want to.

It isn’t just for women who have lost their mums to bereavement, it is for all women for whom their mums are absent from their lives.

Please feel free to search for the group on facebook and request to join.

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NHM Readers: Hampshire Doulas

Louise recently asked “I’m currently working on a post about local Doula’s. Do you have any recommendations of local Doula’s that you have met and “worked” with? TIA”

Thank you to Desiree and Lisa for the following information websites on local doulas:

Welcome to Hampshire Doulas

www.doula.org.uk

Thanks also to all those NHM readers who gave the following recommendations. In no particular order. 

Thank you also to Juliet who put this post together!!

NHM Reader Recommendations: Doulas

Lisa Ramsay

Lisa Ramsey – Confident Birthing

Beth said “Lisa Ramsey”

Karen said “Currently working with Lisa Ramsey. Confident birthing”

Lyndsey said “Lisa Ramsay is wonderful”

Desiree Rawson

Desiree Rawson

Bethan said “Desiree Doula Rawson”

Jill said “Desiree Rawson”

Karen Mitchell

Karen Mitchell – My Doula

Beth says “Karen Mitchell”

Wendy Wood

Wendy Wood – Relax for Birth

Shaneene said “Wendy Wood – incredible lady”

Laura Geary

Laura Geary

Rebecca said “Laura Geary – she was fab for me!”

Jane Barnfield

Jane Barnfield – Bright and Beautiful Maternity Care

Lisa said “Jane Barnfield”

Carly Lewis

Carly Lewis – Doula Fairy

Jenni said “Carly Lewis”

Nicky White

Nicky White – Berkshire Doula

Victoria said “Nicky White”

Charmaine Sala

Charmaine Sala Massage Specialist

Kirsty said “Charmaine Sala”

Aliceja said “I’ve not used her but I met Charmaine Sala at a mothercare event and she is really lovely and in training to become a doula this year I think”

Carla said “Charmaine Sala”

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Review 2017: Tots Play, Social Tots

Thank you very much to today’s NHM Secret Reviewer! Fab job!

“Great value for money, 40 minutes of fun!”

I have attended Michelle groups since my little one was 8 weeks old. We started off attending Baby Development and have graduated to Discovery Tots and finally to Social Tots.

Social Tots does what it says on the tin, it’s a 40 minutes of fun! It’s an interactive social group for for babies from 8 months to tots of 3 years.

This class is a great way for your little ones to meet other Tots, to interact via play and for parents to socialise and to catch up every week.

Every class is full of various activities and we are always met by Michelle and Totsy the class mascot. You can enjoy welcome songs, different hands on themed play each week, involving colour, light, natural objects, fruit and veg, sensory play, massage, yoga and sign language.

With her extensive knowledge, Michelle always explains what we are doing and why we are doing each activity it and how it benefits the little ones. The fun can also continue at home as all the tools and props that are used in the class, including beach balls and sensory fans are all on sale at the end of the class.

Each week brings something different and we are welcomed by Michelle and her smile. We thoroughly enjoy the group and will be booking again for the next session.

Unlike a lots of Toddler groups, Michelle will be running various classes over the summer as well as some Saturday classes.

Check out all Michelle classes on Facebook or totsplay.co.uk

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NHM Readers: “Cry it Out”

I recently asked the Friends of  my “Louise nhm Smith” profile on Facebook if anyone had any suggestions “My baby boy cannot be left to ‘cry it out’ as he gets himself so worked up which can end up in vomiting or choking! He eventually goes down at night but will not fall asleep other than on me and daytime naps are even harder since birth he flatly refuses to sleep once we lie him down. He just spits out dummies”. This mummy is really struggling with lack of sleep and needs some extra advice and support.

These were the responses I received. They are in no particular order. Thank you very much to Shona for putting these together! 

NHM Readers advise when a baby can’t be left to ‘cry it out’

Gemma said: I had this, I used to feed to sleep and got into a massive rut and a lot of sleepless nights. I did pick up put down technique, you need to be consistent as I tried and wasn’t ready and went backwards but then I was ready and it doesn’t take long to implement, after awhile we just had to tap our lb’s bottom. Good luck!

Pick up Put Down Technique – Made for Mums

Victoria said: I had this with my boy. I had to pursue the screaming and being sick. I would go in and lie him back down and keep doing it if he was sick clean him up and start again. I would try to lay him back down before he was sick. It took about a week/two weeks but it worked, before I did this I slept on his floor and all sorts trying to get him to settle, it was so hard and painful. Xx

Jenni said: Hiya, how old is your baby boy? Also have you contacted the health visitor, we had a sleep specialist come and although she told us everything we already knew it was nice to have support and encouragement. Our little girl was over two though.

Libby said: Went to a cranial osteopath with our first at 9 months old as she cried whenever put down. It was like a miracle! Cranial osteopath said she had a stiff neck down one side due to birth and did a few things while I held her. She went all relaxed like having a massage and the crying reduced massively and she could actually be put down. If not that then some babies are just snugglers, our 4th sleeps in our bed and we don’t mind as long as we are all asleep!

Kathryn said: How old is he? When my daughter was little she napped in the sling, now she’s 8 months she goes down for some naps in the cot but normally feeds to sleep. I wouldn’t do CC (controlled crying) or CIO (cry it out), babies cry for a reason.

Rachel said: We did something which was similar to cry out (but the health visitor was very keen to stress it isn’t)… put them down for nap/bed, do the normal routine and say “night night mummy loves you, back in a minute”. You literally go back in a minute and reassure them they’re ok by saying “night night, mummy loves you, back in a minute” over and over. They say it works from 6 months old, not so good on over 4’s. 3 days and my little one was sleeping through the night (our issue was 15 months old and still waking us up in the night, we’d managed to switch milk for water but he still wanted us at least once a night).

Lizzie responded: We did this too, only at 5 minute intervals. It took a week (and it was a hard week!) but it worked. My little girl was about 4 months when we did it. Her sleep since got thrown out again after going away lots and the hot weather over the summer, so we’ve since had to do it again. This time it only took a few days.

Heidi said: Have you had him checked for reflux? I’m not an expert, but crying when lying flat is often a symptom. Huge hugs, sleep (or lack of!) is so hard to deal with. I tried loads of things with my 2, none of which worked. In the end I saved my sanity by just accepting that was how they were and believing they would grow out of it in the future. Sometimes accepting is easier than fighting.

Karen said: I had this with my oldest when he was little. I couldn’t do the controlled crying, it was just too stressful and felt cruel to me (not judging anyone else for doing it, was just how i felt with my son, we all have to do what’s right for us individually) so I just used to sit in with him. We also had a single bed in his room as well as the cot, so on really bad nights I could just sleep next to him and actually get some sleep. With the sitting on the floor I started right next to the cot holding his hand and then every few nights would start just a little further away until I was sitting on the landing rather than in his room. There were still some nights where it all went backwards but gradually he got used to sleeping on his own. Looking back I realise it was a very short phase in the scheme of things, it just felt like it went on ages because it was so exhausting. So try to hang on the fact that it won’t last forever he will grow out of it.

Rachel responded: ^^^ this works. Used this for my daughter (a few times every now and again we’d have to reset her bedtime). Didn’t work with my son, but take a cup of tea, no eye contact or interaction and if young enough phone on night mode (didn’t bother my daughter). I actually quite enjoyed my 30 minutes of silence sat on her bedroom floor reading ebooks.

Rachel said: Oh so little, raise the cot one end, if it’s reflux related it might help. Fresh air and short walks until little one is asleep then head home. Leave baby in pram/pushchair but loosen outdoor clothing (my radiator was switched off in hall so it was always cool, and lots of blankets rather than coats so I could easily remove layers). Fresh air always helped me think clearer too.

Jenni said: Wow at 4 months, to be honest I would say this is completely normal. Still get in touch with health visitor though. I also lay my kids on their tummy at that age and found that helped.

Caitlin said: I fretted and worried over my son falling asleep on me but it doesn’t last forever. By around a year old he would be happy to fall asleep in his cot so they definitely grow out of it. I would say enjoy the cuddles while he’s little because they grow up so fast and soon you will be sad because he doesn’t need you to go to sleep anymore! Also if he stirs once you’ve put him down I would make a point of not picking him up and just pat/rock with your hand and shh. He should go back off without too much fuss as long as he doesn’t have a chance to properly wake. At this age it should take him around 20 minutes to be in a proper sleep so try waiting until you put him down.

Sarah said: My boy would only sleep on me for daytime naps unless we were out in the car or with the pushchair right up til he was one when I went back to work. My childminder would put him in the pushchair and go for a walk at nap time then gradually all she had to do was put him in the pushchair and push back and forth for 5 mins in the house until he fell asleep. We’ve been co-sleeping at night because he wouldn’t stay asleep in cot for very long on his own. Now he is independently sleeping in our bed we have moved the cot bed next to ours (one side removed and attached to ours with bungee cords so there is no gap) and when he falls asleep we are moving him into the cot until he gets used to sleeping there.

Charlotte said: Cry it out isn’t recommended especially at 4 months old. Contact your health visitor they can support and give strategies to help.

Louise said: 4 months is still so tiny. It really isn’t forever. Research is showing more and more that sleep (the elusive “self settling” and “sleeping through the night”) is a developmental milestone rather than something you can train. CIO isn’t something I could do personally, as it just didn’t feel right for us, but having an awful sleeper I feel for you. I do think 4 months is difficult to label them as bad sleepers though as they aren’t ready or able to manage by themselves at that age. I found the less I looked at the clock and less I counted the sleep I wasn’t getting the less pressure I felt and the happier I was.

Becky said: We’ve tried many things as our daughter’s routines have developed. We found that different things worked for a little while but then she’d change. Currently what works best for us is a consistent bedtime routine followed by putting on classical music and leaving the door slightly open so she knows we haven’t abandoned her. I should add though, she’s nearly 2.

Emma said: Sorry I haven’t read every other comment. The biggest issue is for the mumma to get some sleep, it will put everything into perspective. I didn’t sleep for 9 months, in similar circumstances and ended up having exhaustion. Some people can cope with little sleep more than others. I think the important thing is to get baby quickly checked for reflux etc, possibly borrow a baby carrier to see if that helps during the day and then find someone to help cover you for a night or for part of a day and get some sleep yourself. STOP worrying about house / hair / make up etc and just use every precious moment you have to sleep. These times are hard, somehow we all make it out the other side with our own stories. Don’t be too ashamed to ask people around you for help to get some sleep. X

Claire said: At 4 months they are too young to try CC or CIO methods.(which I am against anyway. But each to their own). They may have an underlying issue (could chat to HV about) or they could just like their cuddles. Some babies stay in the “4th trimester” longer. Have u tried baby wearing? Also this lady has a lot of excellent advice & also does 1-1 consultation to help establish the root cause

Jennie Harrison – Sleep deprived mum’s coach

Skye said: Co sleep? Wear him during the day so you can get things done and he isn’t feeling abandoned. Some research into attachment parenting and/or 4th trimester might help. Also, wonder weeks app might give any indications if he is going through a developmental leap. Please don’t try CIO or CC. 🙁

Rebecca said: Both of mine napped in the pushchair, reclining but not completely flat. I have done CC with both of them but definitely wouldn’t try it at 4 months.

Helen said: At 4 months my little one napped in a sling or buggy and at night it was feed to sleep and co-sleeping using a cot attached to the side of the bed. 6 months later she was sleeping in her cot always and from just over a year slept through the night. Don’t stress about rushing to the cot, there’s plenty of time and you’re not creating bad habits.

Wendy said: At 4 months this isn’t a baby issue, this is a partner issue. How many nights a week is your partner doing? By all means look into things such a reflux but the best solution is for your partner to take responsibility a couple of nights a week. If you are on your own ask for someone to stay over occasionally so you can sleep.

Charlotte said:  At 4 months there is a well known (not to me with my first) sleep regression. It’s hideous and the exhaustion can be overwhelming. I do not believe cio or cc work esp with such a littly. May be worth reading the wonder weeks book for development spurts that link to poor sleep periods, the no cry sleep solution book for gentler methods. I’d also strongly recommend getting a sling to use in the day and if needed to get to sleep at night, reflux checking and asking g for support. Support for someone to have lo so mum can nap through the day, support with cooking and cleaning so those jobs don’t feel overwhelming. This sounds like normal baby sleep behaviour. Neither of my 2 slept, in fact my 2 yr old is still going through a bad phase so I am now about to have a nap. Good luck to the mum, as some have said acceptance and support are the way to go esp at this young age.

Lisa said: My daughter, now 4, has serious medical issues and we left hospital at 2 weeks old with the fleeting instruction of ‘don’t let her cry hard for more than 30 seconds or so because she’ll go very blue and her organs will starve of oxygen’. That put the pressure on a bit. I have to say we are no role models and have no good bedtime routines as such but this was a case of survival. So, we just went with it. If she wanted cuddles, we cuddled, if she went to bed, I went to bed, if she fell asleep, I fell asleep. She co-slept (not necessarily suggesting this) and still does. She averaged about 6-8 hours broken sleep in 24 hours for 2 years. I’m not sure my story helps but my advice would be to just go with the flow, don’t resent the lack of sleep just accept it. That really helped for me, took the pressure off. And remember this stage is not forever. Big hugs tired mummy x x Oh and I would echo the comments for getting him checked out for reflux and other health issues just so you know what you’re dealing with. There used to be a place in basingstoke that sold reflux wedges (pillows). In intensive care they taught us a trick ‘a heavy hand resting on the tummy’ is quite soothing. We would start with a hand and then replace with a surgical glove filled with warm (tepid so you don’t feel heat or cold when you put your fingers in it, not hot) water. Obviously need to remove it when it cools and observe common sense safety precautions. X Oh and I would echo the comments for getting him checked out for reflux and other health issues just so you know what you’re dealing with. There used to be a place in basingstoke that sold reflux wedges (pillows). In intensive care they taught us a trick ‘a heavy hand resting on the tummy’ is quite soothing. We would start with a hand and then replace with a surgical glove filled with warm (tepid so you don’t feel heat or cold when you put your fingers in it, not hot) water. Obviously need to remove it when it cools and observe common sense safety precautions. X

Charlotte said: My little one was very clingy but putting a hot water bottle in the bottom of the crib for a bit before I lay him down worked really well (and still does at 11 weeks) it was the movement from warm mummy to cold bed which he didn’t like. Xx

Karen said: Sorry I haven’t had time to read all the comments. I have no advice to give really but wanted to say as someone who has been there it doesn’t last forever. My youngest had reflux so also couldn’t cry it out. I hope you get some support either from a partner family or friends who can look after lo while you catch up on sleep. Sending hugs as know how tough it is x

Jennie said: In addition to the advice above this is probably the best article on infant sleeping I have ever read (and I’ve read loads!). X

The Huffington Post – conversation with a co-sleeping expert

Gail said: Could be colic. So a baby carrier during the day and lots of boobie or bottle at night time and more baby carrier!! He is only 4 months, lots of walks in a pushchair. Don’t worry it won’t last forever!! If you are bottle feeding, milk allergies are very common. So you could try wysoy for a week just to see if it improves!!

Rachel said: I’m probably predisposed to think of it as it happened to my LO but he had an undiagnosed cow’s milk protein allergy and so was only comfortable sleeping upright on someone as he had pain in his tummy and didn’t like lying down. Maybe if all the other advice doesn’t work it’s worth ruling out especially if there’s a family history of allergies and there’s other symptoms such a persistent vomiting. Good luck, it’s so hard!! Xx And I’d definitely echo the other advice of getting some support, an hours nap in the day can make you feel like a new woman!! ️Xxxx

Marie said: I would certainly check baba out for silent reflux. Babies who don’t enjoy lying flat and who are clingy are often diagnosed with this painful heartburn condition. Either bottle or boob fed, it can affect both. Particularly if mum had antibiotics during pregnancy as these can affect baby’s gut health. I would advise asking GP for infant gaviscon to start with and supplement milk with probiotics to heal the gut and see how baby gets on… hang in there x

Aimee said: I spent the first few weeks/months sleeping upright in bed with my son on my chest tapping his back all night (i’m not kidding, all night!). I knew something was wrong from the start but no one would listen, after a huge emotional breakdown my HV listened and referred me to a paediatric consultant and he was put on Neocate for unidentified intolerances and he was a different baby within a week! He’s now nearly 7, grown out of most intolerances and just takes movicol for chronic constipation. Hang in there, don’t be afraid to keep complaining until your baby is seen by a qualified doctor. Be a complete pain in the bum for your own sanity so you can finally enjoy this wonderful time. Good luck x

Lindsey said: I had similar with my eldest who wouldn’t sleep unless close by in the day. When he was tiny he would only sleep if held or in his baby chair. I couldn’t transfer him to a cot as he would just wake up and scream. He did have reflux so possibly because it was uncomfortable to be flat although he would settle in his cot or crib at night. As he got older, he would only nap on the sofa or a mat on the floor. It wasn’t just at home as he didn’t like the cots when he started nursery at 10 months and slept on the floor mats like the older children. It was tough as it made it hard to get on with jobs while he was napping, but a forgotten memory now, but he still likes cuddles and is approaching 7.

Katie said: My little girl hated lying flat to sleep when she was younger. During the day we used to lie her on her front in her carrycot where we could keep an eye on her. She used the carrycot at night too instead of a Moses basket. She had silent reflux and I think the sturdier base helped her. We got a bean bag when she was around 3 months old and this really helped her to sleep during the day after feeding as she was propped up more. Moved her into a cot when she got too big for carrycot and put books under the head end to raise it slightly. Also used a folded blanket under her head which she still has now at 14 months. She started weaning early at just over 4 months and this really helped with the silent reflux and made her more comfortable and she was able to sleep a lot easier. I know weaning early is not for everyone but hopefully it will help too when you decide to do it. It doesn’t last forever and now she is a really good sleeper. Get plenty of rest when you can and don’t be scared to ask others for help so you get a chance to catch up on some sleep. As a first time mum I found this hard but it really did make things easier. X

Kimberley said: Worth looking at allergy of milk u use or breast if u eat milk products. Ask for help from health visitors. Good luck.

Marie said: My little boy was similar to this. Would cry so much he would vomit. At 5 months we sleep trained him. Best thing we ever did. I read everything I could find on the Internet, downloaded e-books and leaflets. I then came up with a plan to suit me.

First we established a bedtime routine – bath, pajamas, story, bottle, bed.

Then I sang him a song and cuddled/rocked him.

Once I put him down I said “night, night, mummy loves you” something like that.

Then I left the room. Of bourse he screamed. After 30 seconds I went back in and strokes his face and repeated “night, night, mummy loves you”.

Left the room and waited 1 minute and repeated.

Every time I left the room, I waited an extra 30 seconds.

I only ever left him 5 minutes at a time (though the research said longer). Only took 3 nights and each night the crying got shorter. I found the vomiting stopped as he calmed every time I went into the room. First night I remember it took an hour, then 20 minutes second night. Then less than 5 minutes the third night.

Hope that helps.

Liz said: Reflux? Both my daughters had it and would not go to sleep without being sat upright in bed on me, exhausting. They had meds for it eventually which worked after me nagging at the HV and doctor xxx

Sarah said: Neither of mine slept well til about 1yr. It does not last forever.

Agree with: cranial osteopath – helped my daughter. Go get checked out by Dr for reflux. Plus see Health Visitor.

Try baby massage. Helps with all kinds of things and can really promote sleep.

Go to Basingstoke Sling Library and borrow some slings to see if that helps in the day (or night when pacing floors as it helps the arms!)

Could try safe co-sleeping methods or mattress/bed by the cot/crib.

Could try wedge, lifting cot so that baby is never completely horizontal. Plus put a t-shirt around the mattress – a smelly t-shirt you have worn and sweated in for a few nights so it smells of you and your parfume/deodorant. Worked with both mine.

I also used white noise machine, baby music machine, warm bath with lavender, blackout blinds, regular routine (to the point of same pjs put in same place, same sleeping bag, same story, same song, same words and even me with the same jumper every night for months.)

Ruza said: So at four months, my boy would fall asleep in our arms, best times ever or in the pram/pushchair on a walk out. I have never done the controlled crying, personally I believe it produces too much anxiety in small ones. So nap time in the day was for both of us when I needed it. Sleep time at night was achieved with soft lullabies and rocking and then quiet sleep. E slept in the same room till six months. I was lucky that at weekends I swapped sleeping arrangements with my husband. E did not have a daytime sleep in his cot till about 15 months but that was something that evolved between me and his childminder.

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NHM Readers Recommend: Newborn Classes to Meet other Mums

I recently asked the Friends of  my “Louise nhm Smith” profile on Facebook for their suggestions on classes to go to with a newborn to meet other mums. (Thank you very much to everyone who responded and thank you to Shona for putting this post together!!) 

These were the responses I received.

NHM Readers Recommend Newborn Classes to Meet other Mums

NCT Early Days

Becky said: Doesn’t necessarily count as a ‘class’ perhaps, but I found the NCT Early Days course really useful for meeting Mums with other newborns

Fiona said: I would echo this. I met a great group of mums on the course and we still meet now 3 years on

Corissa said: Absolutely NCT Early Days. Our group are still close friends almost two years after we met.

Naomi also recommends NCT Early Days.

Alexandra said: NCT courses for new mums such as early days, baby massage etc just because the groups are smaller and more intimate.

Diana also recommends NCT Early Days

Information on NCT Early Days: This is a group that meets in a supportive, relaxed and friendly atmosphere to openly talk about life as a mum. You can discuss challenges, tips and the reality over the expectations you had/have. You will meet other parents, make friends and gain support and tips. Courses run over 4-6 weekly sessions for new mums. They are aimed at new mums with babies under 6months. There is a fee for this course – enquire and book via link below.

NCT Early Days

Baby Sensory

Lucy, Sarah, Diana, Verity and Caroline recommend Baby Sensory.

Information on Baby Sensory: These are nationwide so have a look online for your local session as there are quite a few in Basingstoke. They offer a musical world of sensory experiences for both parents and children. There are light shows, bells, bubbles, puppets and signing to name but a few of the activities. The class is split into three phases so there is a free play session in the middle where you can play with the toys and activities set out and sit and talk to other mums and dads. Sessions run term time only and the course is £70 per term you wish to take up.

Baby Sensory

NCT Mother and Baby Yoga

Claire said: NCT Yoga with baby, met some lovely mummies there.

Information on NCT Mother and Baby Yoga: These sessions are designed to ease yourself back into exercise after birth. Yoga helps to stretch, strengthen and tone your body. You must have had your 6/8 week check with your doctor prior to starting. There is a fee for this course – enquire and book via link below.

NCT Mother and Baby Yoga

Fitmama at Studio 41

Wendy recommends the Post Natal Class at Studio 41.

Information on Fitmama: These sessions are known for giving women a safe return into fitness following birth through pelvic floor and core repair, nutritional coaching and support for sleep deprivation. Courses can be started as early as 3-4 weeks depending on delivery type and recover. Baby can go with you too! The charge for this course is £50.

Fitmama

Newborn to Parenting at the Hurst

Samantha said: Newborn to Parenting at the Hurst was brilliant. Definitely recommend it.

Information on Newborn to Parenting: This is a 6 week course aimed at helping parents to find their feet in the early weeks and months. Contact the centre for more details at the link below.

Newborn to Parenting

Caterpillar Music in Chineham

Jaz and Verity recommend Caterpillar music in Chineham.

Information on Caterpillar Music: These are music sessions on weekly which include themes, colourful instruments and puppets. Check out your nearest class and timetable by checking the link below.

Caterpillar Music

NorthHantsMum has also found these groups/classes you may be interested in looking into:

NCT Coffee groups

Basingstoke NCT runs coffee groups that meet regularly to support parents-to be and parents. Anyone is welcome, you don’t have to be a member of NCT and is open from pregnancy right up to pre-school age. Opportunities to meet other people and talk to them about their experiences and make new friends.

No fee to attend, there is a collection towards the work the NCT do.

NCT Coffee Groups

Little Tots Poppins

This is an Art and Messy session followed by Music and Movement.You don’t register, just pop in. The sessions are run on Thursday mornings from 9.30am to 11am and costs £3 per session. The sessions are term time only.

Little Tots Stoney Heath, White Lion Court, Hollybush Farm, Stoney Heath, Ramsdell, Tadley, RG26 5SL. 01256851398

Poppins

Little Munchkins Baby

These are Baby Massage and Baby Yoga classes which help you to feel relaxed, happy and confident with your baby. Baby massage helps build bonds and will help you become more in tune and confident with your baby’s needs. The course is taught in 5 weekly session (1 hour long each session). Suitable from birth. It runs on a Tuesday from 11am to 12pm at Tadley Community Centre.

Little Munchkins Baby

Tots Play

This is a 6 week course suitable from birth to 6 months. You learn fun ways to play and communicate with your baby using massage, music, signing and is also a great way to meet other mums. The class runs from 11.20am to 12.20pm and you must book in advance.

Tots Play

Barn Tots

This is a friendly play session from birth to pre-school. They meet at Viables Community Centre on Tuesdays from 10am to 12pm and Thursdays from 9.45am to 11.45am. It is term time only. There are different toys each week and a great soft play area for babies. There is singing and storytime and music and movement too. It costs £2 per session and includes refreshments for adults and a cold drink, fruit and biscuits for the children.

Barn Tots

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A NHM Reader’s Experience: Tongue Tie

This is a heartbreaking read. I can relate to so much of what is in this post because Miss NHM also had a posterior Tongue Tie and it wasn’t identified until she was 9 weeks old.

Reading today’s post has bought bank a lot of painful memories for me of that very difficult time but hopefully this Mum’s experience may help other Mum’s who are going through, or have been through, the same thing. The last sentence on this post is spot on.

Thank you very much to the anonymous reader for sharing her experience. I know it’s not easy writing something like this but hopefully it’s helped as part of the healing process.

If you would like to share your experience of anything to do with being a Mum or parent, please get in touch.

A NHM Reader’s Experience: Tongue Tie

Tongue tie, as a first time mum I had no clue what this was and the problems your little one can face from it. Throughout my pregnancy as like all mummies to be, I just wanted my baby to be healthy and arrive into the world safely.

However Tongue tie was one of the things no one had even thought to make me aware of, considering it is so common with apparently 1 in 8 babies being born with it and how easily it is to fix. Hopefully by sharing our story I hope more mummies are made aware of tongue tie.

On the arrival of my beautiful baby girl, I was put in a side room at the hospital. The midwife initially checked my baby could breastfeed and then I was left to it. We saw a health assistant once more briefly to check that everything was OK, the paediatrician quickly checked her over and we were given the all clear to go home.

On going home we saw the midwife for the follow up visits. On one of these, they weighed my little girl and found she had dropped weight but this was less then 10% so they were not concerned.

However on her five day check, we went to the clinic and on weighing her, it was found her weight had dropped further. As a new mum, five days post giving birth you are very emotional and it is the last thing you want to hear that your baby is dropping weight, rather then gaining.

At the clinic I saw two older midwifes and they asked me to show them how I was feeding her. This was an eeekkkk moment as I’m not a mum that is confident breastfeeding in front of people. However I knew I had to suck this up and get on with it, so I did.

On doing this, I was told immediately the way I was holding her was wrong and to hold her like a rugby ball under my arm. I was then asked questions about my milk supply and they came to the conclusion this was failing and told me to get some formula in!

I held myself together but on leaving the clinic and getting back to the car, the tears just rolled down as it was the worst thing I could have been told, that I was unable to feed my baby well enough and all I felt was that I was a complete failure.

That evening I tried to struggle through but feeling so low and with no real support on breastfeeding, I caved and sent my husband to Tescos at midnight to buy formula. All I could think was I was starving my baby who was crying and getting more frustrated as she was struggling to feed, so I had to get some milk in her someway. However this did not solve our problems and just brought on a whole load of different issues.

We started on formula and within days we had stopped breastfeeding altogether as she just couldn’t latch properly. We thought this was best and her weight started going up. The midwifes were happy and we were subsequently discharged from their care. We thought great our baby is now on the right tracks and all will be fine. How wrong could we have been!

In the subsequent weeks our little girl started to suffer with colic, reflux and projectile vomiting whenever she had a bottle. The colic was the worst as our poor girl was literally in pain and cried continuously for hours on end as she was just full of wind, to the point she would rattle with it.

We spoke to the health visitor who said to see the GP, so we did. I explained all her symptoms and I was just given medication to try to help settle her. At no point did the GP or health visitor check in her mouth to see that she had a good latch but it was a case of being told that babies do suffer from colic, sickness and reflux when being fed formula and that it would pass.

However the symptoms were just getting worse to the point that one day while I was home on my own, I had given her a bottle but she started to choke and turn blue.

This is honestly the most scary situation seeing your baby looking terrified as they cannot breath. I managed to get her to throw up and she started breathing again but was inconsolably crying.

I took her straight to A&E as my instincts knew there was something wrong with her and this was not normal. On arrival, I asked her to be booked in and told the receptionist what the problem was, she looked over the desk and commented, well she looks ok now, she’s breathing! I couldn’t believe this and politely but in a no messing with me tone, said that I still wanted her seen to regardless of the wait.

On seeing the nurse in triage, due to her age we were taken through to see the doctor. I again explained the situation and what had happened but they had no clue why she had choked and put it down to one of those things.

The doctor in A&E referred the details to a paediatrician and we were taken to the day ward for observation. They again checked her over and I explained what had happened. The consultant said it sounded like she had just choked and that this can happen when babies are so little as they don’t have a gag reflex yet. She said if it happens again to put her on her front and pat her back which should clear it.

Each time we saw someone we were asked if this was our first baby and when we said yes, the ‘look’ of oh they are first time parents worrying too much came out. As she didn’t do this again while we were there, we were sent home with the advice we had been given.

Over the months proceeding this, we struggled on and found ways to help stop the choking with reflux wedges and sitting her upright for an hour after a bottle. While we did this the next challenge we had was getting her to drink a bottle. Our poor girl was still suffering and we felt like we just had to struggle on as it would get better in time, as this was what we were being told repeatedly.

On taking her to her monthly weigh in, her weight was really starting to struggle. The health visitor at my local one looked at me and said oh her weight has dropped what are you doing with her, what’s happened to change this?

Again this is not what I wanted to be faced with, a question to make me feel as though I was at fault for my beautiful baby girl not gaining as much weight as she should. I replied to say nothing had changed but I was still having the same issues. A

gain no one thought to check in her mouth and it was put down to a blip and she would pick up again. I swiftly left the clinic, again feeling as though I had failed my baby girl. I hated going to the weigh ins after this, to the point I would work myself up beforehand so I decided to buy my own scales and do her weight checks myself at home.

On approaching four months old, her weight had dropped to between the 9th and 25th centile. She was also getting to the point she would only drink an ounce or two of milk at a time and then she would refuse anymore. I knew this was due to the pain it was causing her so I spoke to my health visitor but she didn’t really help and said to go and see her on the next weigh in.

I thought this is not right and I was so worried as I knew my little girl was suffering, I needed to find out what was causing it so I decided to google her symptoms. Normally I would never do this as it can give you so many horror stories and cause unnecessary worry but I had to see if there was any possibilities of what was wrong with her. On looking at the search it all pointed to tongue tie.

The helpful reference was this chart that listed out the symptoms: image2

From looking at this list, my little girl had all the symptoms so I wasted no time and booked her into see the GP. The GP checked her but wasn’t sure so asked the midwife at my practice to have a look. She first of all put a finger in her mouth to see what suction she had and the poor girl didn’t have any. They agreed the best thing to do was to refer her to the paediatrician at the hospital that dealt with this and go from there.

On speaking with his secretary on the Monday morning, she took my details and then asked how my baby was fed, I said by bottle and suddenly the tone of the call changed, where she informed me that the paediatrician only dealt with breastfed babies.

Even with me explaining that there was no possibility she could do this and how her health was suffering, I was told he may see her but it would be at his absolute discretion, plus I would have to wait three weeks for this honour.

On putting the phone down I thought to myself sod that, I’m not being made to feel like a second class citizen for bottle feeding my baby as she couldn’t breastfeed so I looked online for somewhere I could have her seen to privately. This is where I found a website that listed all the tongue tie practitioners in the country,

http://www.tongue-tie.org.uk/find-a-tongue-tie-divider.html

I looked through the list of practitioners in my local area and called Katherine. On speaking to her and trying to discuss the problems we were having, I just broke down on her and cried.

Katherine was great, she said she could certainly help and gave me an appointment for the following day at her clinic. On going to the appointment, after explaining the symptoms and looking at her weight chart, she looked in her mouth and confirmed she had a posterior tongue tie which was restricting her tongue by over 50%.

Katherine explained that posterior tongue tie is not picked up so easily as it is not visible but it was very easily treated. Katherine told me what she would do to release the tongue tie which involved one cut to the piece of skin with surgical scissors and that it would take less then a minute.

She asked me to leave the room while she did it and by the time I got to the waiting room and sat down, it was all over. One little snip with the scissors by a trained health professional was all that was needed. This cost £95 privately and I can’t tell you the relief that I felt knowing I wasn’t an over bearing first time mum and that my instincts were right. More importantly, my beautiful little girl would hopefully now start to overcome this and be out of pain.

Picture of her posterior tongue tie
image1

Picture after the procedure

image3I will say this made a difference straight away. The colic and wind settled down as she was not sucking in air. The reflux also calmed down and choking stopped over the proceeding days.

However she had learnt to adapt to having a restricted tongue for the first four months of her life so she had to relearn how to use her mouth and the muscles with her tongue now freed.

This took several months to reeducate her but she is now a completely changed baby. She’s happy, no longer in pain and her weight is back up, which makes me one happy mum.

Looking back, I have such a mixture of emotions about what we went through as a family. From anger to pure sadness that my little girl was left to struggle and be in pain for the first four months of her life.

I also feel so let down by all the health professionals that saw her as no one picked this up sooner. Such a simple thing to fix but the problems and pain it caused her unnecessarily, when she could have been thriving and happy.

Ultimately I have learnt from this, that you should always trust your instincts as a mum, you know your baby best and don’t think you are worrying unnecessarily.

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Local Basingstoke parents with national charity NCT agree to fundraise to keep vital professional breastfeeding support

Local Basingstoke parents with national charity NCT agree to fundraise to keep vital professional breastfeeding support.

Following the decision by Hampshire County Council not to continue to fund eight breastfeeding support clinics in north Hampshire, the Basingstoke Branch of the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) is reassuring expectant and new mums across the area that breastfeeding support will still be available through B.A.B.I.E.S (Babies and Breastfeeding Information, Encouragement and Support group) at the Brookvale Village Hall on Friday mornings allowing mums to come along and meet a professionally trained breastfeeding counsellor to answer questions and offer help and support with any difficulties breastfeeding.

Just under 80% of mothers in North Hampshire start breastfeeding yet by the time their babies are between 6 and 8 weeks old, fewer than half are giving any breast milk to their babies (1).  Nationally, 86% of mothers who stop breastfeeding in the first two weeks say they would have liked to breastfeed for longer (2).

Mindy Noble from the Hampshire Breastfeeding Counselling Service said:

“We know mothers are incredibly disappointed that the County Council has not listened to their views.  They value the specialist skill of a Breastfeeding Councillor and with 6 out of the eight breastfeeding drop-ins closing this will no longer be available to all women in our area.  We had hoped that the Council would build on the success of this project and extend it to enable women across the country to have access to the same level of support, but they have not”.

Local Mums will be fundraising to keep open the Basingstoke B.A.B.I.E.S drop-in, held every Friday from 10.00am to 11.30am at Brookvale Village Hall.  The following drop in sessions have now closed: Chineham, Tadley, Whitchurch, Kingsclere and Overton.  In Andover the Friday drop-in has now closed, however the Tuesday drop-in will remain funded by parents from NCT Winchester and Andover.

Health Visitors are available to offer support, however the level of knowledge they have after the 2/3 day training compared to the 2.5 years training undertaken by a dedicated counsellor is limited.  Local Health Visitors themselves have expressed disappointment over the closure of this service in so many areas and advocate its value to new mums.

Mums who have used the free service express their disappointment over the closures:

  • “The other sources of support were great but no one had the knowledge that the ladies in the drop-in did”.
  • “The support was practical as they could actually watch me feed and help me correct even the smallest thing…it was obvious that the experience that they had was invaluable; every question I asked they were able to answer”.

If anyone would like to donate to the Basingstoke B.A.B.I.E.S breastfeeding support group they can do so by visiting their Just Giving page https://www.justgiving.com/BasingstokeNCTBABIES

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