My experience: Alternative Swear Words for parents!

It’s no secret that I had a bit of a “potty mouth” before Miss NHM was born.

I know.  It’s not clever and it’s not smart and people who use swear words are supposed to be of lower intelligence.

But you can’t beat using a swear word to reinforce your point. Like when you stub your toe on the end of the bed and it REALLY hurts.

And it’s always the first words you learn when learning another language. At least, it was for me!

However, since Miss NHM has been born, I’ve had to be a bit creative with my swear words.

I’m very proud of the fact that at 5.5 years old, Miss NHM thinks the worst word in the world is “stupid”.

To the point where she will happily “tell off” complete strangers if she hears them use the word “stupid”, which can be a tad embarrassing (Yes for those of you who have known me all my life, she’s my daughter and I am well aware that the chickens are coming home to roost :-D).

Anyway, after a discussion that was had on Tuesday night at the monthly “Prosecco and chat evenings for non-cliquey Mum’s” evening (all Mum’s are welcome. Email me for more details), I thought I would share my pearls of wisdom for those of you who are parents and also need to change your vocabulary so your little cherubs don’t get into trouble when they start copying you!!!??!!!

Alternative Swear Words for parents

“Mother hubbard”

“Oh bother” – Miss NHM uses this after we’ve read a lot of Enid Blyton recently. I’m sure people think I’m trying to bring her up “posh” but she does it even more when she knows I’m cringing! Sigh.



“Fudge, fudge, fudge!!!!”


“Rock and Roll” – yes, bit of a strange one but VERY useful at times


These are the ones that I may have possibly used at some point in time.

Although Mr NHM did tell me that he knew that the cat had been sick on the stairs the other day because he heard Miss NHM walk down the stairs, sigh, then tut and say “bloody cat!”.

Oh well, I’m not perfect! :-D.

Do you have any other “alternative” swear words that you can recommend as I’m always on the look out for some good ones!

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2 thoughts on “My experience: Alternative Swear Words for parents!

  1. Lisa Healey Reply

    Louise you do make me laugh x

    Mine are ‘Frogs and fishes’ instead of F&8k – very useful when stepping on Lego etc…
    ‘Sheep & goats’ instead of s*!t.
    My 7 year old told me the other day he knew a swear word as he’d heard it at school. I said ok don’t say the word just tell me what it begins with. He said D, so after some thought I figured it mist be d*c& but apparently not as he said I just say Jam instead Mummy, which made me laugh. Thankfully not too much to worry about 🙂

  2. Sue Walker Reply

    ‘Oh for heavens sake’ instead of ffs
    Can’t think of any more as unfortunately I do swear more than I should ????????

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